Am I fat?

Yes, I am.

I’m sorry I suck.

I don’t deserve to live in this world.

I’m wasting oxygen.

I’m not gonna eat anymore. I’m getting fatter. Not gonna eat.. I’m gonna have a meal a day, perhaps. Or maybe, only vegetables, salads? Ah, life sucks.

Goodbye.

Sorry for not updating much. Wasn’t really in the mood. :/

Life has been great so far. What about yours? I still don’t really know to to use this wordpress thingyyy~ Can anyone teach me or something? x:

Okay, I sounds super noob. But who cares hur. (:

This week is gonna be a hectic week for me, I guess.

Monday : 4pm

Tuesday: Full Shift

Wednesday : OFF!

Thursday : 4pm

Friday : 4pm

Saturday & Sunday : OFF!

Okay… I just realized I can’t coloured the words.. WHO CAN TEACH ME?!?!

Actually wanted to stop studying. Because I seriously have no mood to study & I am not the “study” material type of girl. But then, friends around me has been pycho-ing me alot of stuffs and these eventually get into my head. I’m only 18 this year. With only an O’Level cert. Where can I go in future? I’ve search through the web & found out that alot of companies only hire people with a diploma, minimum. :/

EMO.

And guess what? I’m going private. Yes I am. But which school? Kaplan, TMC or Shatec? :/

Many friends said Kaplan. But I ain’t sure. The requirement stated in their website is not clear. I only have 3 OLevel credit, which causes me to being able to get into many private school. ):

Minimum of 5 OLevel credit in needed for most of them. Tsk. Why must I give up studying when I was in sec 4. :/

Why do I only start to ‘chiong’ my studies 3 months before OLevel?! Sigh.

The above photo seriously made me laugh. My Primary 4 cousin IS WASHING THE CROCODILE. HAHAHAHA!!!

I miss my boyfriend. It’s a week since I last saw him! ): I miss Chloe too! )): I miss his dogs too! ))):

Time to go. I’m having a headache. How to cure it hur? :/

First Post

So yeah, new here. Not really… I had a private blog under wordpress which I update rarely. x:

I’m back here. Still figuring out how to use.

Will be back to blog more. I shall get to sleep cause I’ve got work later. EMO.

Bye~!

Hello world!

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>Friends

>

Because I’ve left so abruptly, I don’t want any of you to forget me.

I do cherish you guys, but, I can’t handle the stress anymore…

We should meet up soon. 

I do misses you guys, the times we hang out, Together.

Xoxo

Might be moving over to wordpress, I suppose. 

>

>Happy 3rd.

>

Happy 3rd monthsary, my love. You’ve been there whenever I need you. You’re the best I’ve met. It isn’t long that we’re together, but you’ve been pampering me and treating me like your princess & I like it. A few days back wasn’t memorable. Arguments due to my jealousy. I really can’t take it anymore. ):

Ignored for for a whole day. Not replying or picking up your calls. Having my sis to tell you that I’m not home. Despite me ignoring you, you still went over to check out my twitter knowing that I update my twitter more often. With you worrying over one of my tweet, makes me realize, you really do care about me. 

It’s not that I don’t want to trust you, my dear. Is that I cannot bring myself to trust anyone. Everytime I tried to trust someone, I got hurt. And so, gradually, I began to lose trust in everyone. Even my own parents. My parents are much more important than you in me. Even I can’t trust them, what makes me think that I can trust you… 

I tend to not trust people, so I won’t get hurt. Have I ever told you that this relationship with you, I tried my best to overcome my fear. Cannot believe? I have phobia in relationship. Yes I do. Am trying my very best. Hang on in there, I can do it.

And I love you, yes I do. 

>Reflection

>I’m not a strong lady. I used to think, I am strong and I’ll be strong. But how wrong I am. I’m super weak. I’m super fragile. I cry easily. I get jealous over small stuffs easily. Usually, I’ll talk things out. But if that thing really hurts me alot, I tend to escape. Escape from this world, this reality. This feeling sucks.

I tried to face. I tried my very best. But I still can’t. I guess, this is my personality that I can’t change. Outside, I may seems strong and such. Inside, I’m super super weak. Ask my close friends. They’ve seen my worst, accepted my worst and everything. That’s why I feel so free around them. I feel so, happy. And of course, in return, I showed them my best too.

I can be a good listening ear to everyone. Not a good advisor though. But, I can never understand why, I can never be my own listening ear, I can never be my own advisor. Every morning on my bed before I fall asleep, I tell myself to be strong, to stay strong. But then, tears just flow down by itself. No matter how much I tried to stop them from flowing down, they won’t stop.

Pillow’s stained with my tears. Out of curiosity, I tasted my tears. They taste super bland. And I always thought, tears are suppose to be salty? Oh, or is it that, tears with feelings are salty? Tears caused by numb feeling are bland and tasteless? I’m numb. Numb by everything.

Wasted 2 days at home. But what is this? 2 days are nth, I’m just getting closer to my death. The world’s ending in 2012, remember? Come on, be quick. 2012, come quickly. I want to see my fate. Do you know that staying on Earth is so, difficult? Let me put it this way, having a life is difficult.

Why am I born a human? A complicated human? A human with all these stupid emotional stuffs? They hurt. They make me weaker. And I hate it. Everytime I stood strong, I will still fall whenever I saw my friends. Why am I such a weakling?

Everyday before I stepped out of this house, from that gate, I practice my smile. To make sure they’re perfect.
Every time when I wake up, I tell myself, smile for today, don’t be upset. But, I failed. I’m upset almost everyday, I guess.

So easy to put up a strong front. But behind that fake smile and strong front, I wonder how many tears have rolled down my cheek, how many times I’ve told myself that I suck in everything, how long have that scars been there and how long more do I have to stay this way.
Look at those hard work behind that smile and front?

Friends always thought I’m happy all the time. But they are not me, and they’ll never be me. All the things that happened in the past and now, etched in my mind. In my memories. Unhappy & happy.

I don’t want to have memories. I want to get into a car accident and lost all memories. Even those happy ones. Because I want to have new memory. I want to be happy. All those past memories will only pull me down whenever I want to stand strong.

Everytime I seems to be down and my friends happen to sense it, they will ask, “Are you okay?” As usual, I will answer that I’m alright. But inside my heart, I am screaming, ” I’m not! I’m not alright! ” But, this can never be let out. Because I don’t want them to worry.

我希望我可以坚强一点
我希望我可以变开心一点
每天带着一个假的笑容出门很辛苦

I’ll be okay tmr. I promise. At least I hope so? Just give me some time.

The reason I got so upset and everything, is because I STILL mind her being your ex. I don’t know why. And what I’m feeling now, is just, so new to me. I just don’t know how to control it yet. And because it hurts me so much, I tend to escape. I just don’t like how she contacted you, and you didn’t tell me. When my ex contacted me, I told you. Why won’t you tell me that she contacted you? WHY? Afraid that I’ll be what I’m feeling now? If you told me earlier, I’ll be better. I still can accept it better. And what’s with you starting a topic with, “How’s life?” That’s a topic that can be continued. Do you wish to talk to her more? Let me know then. I will know what to do. I know it’s my fault to browse through your acc. I can let you browse through mine too, if you want. 

And they said, jealousy kills. I agree.

Psychological fact – When someone tear, the first drop from the right means happiness and the first drop from the left is pain.


Mine? From the left.




I hate how I’m falling apart in the inside.


For 11:11 & 12:34 just now, I wished & hoped that everything will be okay.

>StereoLove~ ♥

>Pig is bathing now~~~

So I shall update this space over here. I’ve been sort of neglected this space huh! ):
Was blog-hopping & shopping just now. LOL.

What is this! I’ve been blog-shopping!!! ):
My dress arrived, and I’ve bought another 2 new pieces of clothing. Shit. Expenses for this month is so gonna increase! *insert sad face*

Back to LAST Monday. CCK College for interview for new course. Wasn’t successful though. ): !
Nvm. Wanted to lunch at college itself, but Desmond don’t want. Say what nice food de close le. Tsk! Bused to JP for LJS instead. Stupid Desmond kept disturbing me! ):

Before that, in the morning, I waited for boyfriend at JE & 4 trains passes before he reached! Dua Pai hur! >:(
I didn’t sleep the day before because I’m afraid that I’ll be late for the interview. ):
Got ready in the morning, applied mild makeup and off I went to the west.

Got bored while waiting for the teachers & so, I camwhored. x:

Girl what. Confirm will de leh~ Hehe. While I was being interviewed, boyfriend camwhored too okay! Still so auto take out my ITouch play games & listen songs. Zzzzz! So auto huh!!! Hmmphf!

Headed over to boyfriend’s house to have my beauty sleep. ^^

Took care of Chloe with him when the family went somewhere. And that cutiepie just doesn’t want to have her beauty sleep! ):

I still remember this was the day I cough until I vomitted! )’:

Sadgirl~

But now I feel much better le . Hehe. <:

I was seriously sleeping like a pig lor! I didn’t know if I snore or not. Zzzz. Boyfriend woke me up at night! ):

But I keep don’t want wake up. Tired ah! ): He got no choice. So ask Chloe come in disturb my sleep. BAD BOYFRIEND! 

Prepared and he sent me home then off he went to Chalet. Seriously, boyfriend looks super cute when he’s carrying a backpack. LOL!

Chloe, the cutiepie. Hehe.<3

Shall up date more in the next post! I’m forcing myself to think back what exactly happened the last few days. SIGH. It’s so difficult! ):

I shall head to bed naoooo. Good Night & Candy Dreams, everyone! ^^

Last but not least,

I love my boyfriend

Elvin Teo ♥

xoxo ; 

Velyn ♥

>Belated Pulau Ubin trip with boyfriend & co.

>Hi. I’m here to blog. Sorry for not blogging much. No “fwiuling”(feeling) ah.
Hehe.
Awesome ice skating today with boyfriend.

This is the only pic I uploaded. The rest, I’m oh so lazy. x:

My sister said she don’t like this photo because dear looks.. pervertic. JOKE!

Shall update bout today in another post~

I think ah, Last Friday? 4 March 2011
Pulau Ubin with boyfriend, WeiHua, Desmond, Wilfred & ShiHao.
Wore boyfriend shirt on the outside as boyfriend was afraid that I’ll get my shirt dirty. It was raining that dayyy! ):
Find them for lunch at Bedok then we went off to Simei ITE first to look for WeiHua & ShiHao had to collect his cert!
WeiHua went to school for extra lesson, I think. Awwww.
Bus 2 to Changi. It was not really raining at first. But when we got onto the boat and halfway through the journey, it started drizzling! ))):

Cycled until my butt sore like shit. My bag also dirty! ):
MY PINK BAGGGGG!!!!!!! )))’:

Nice view huh! Th efforts are not wasted. (:
Then, dinner at the coffeeshop at Pulau Ubin. Awesome view. It’s been so long since I last cycled. ):

ShiHao still asked, “Eh, cute or not, let me see” ==

Cute laaaa. LOL!

I’m glad shifu blocked me~

Say Hi to Desmond!

Wilfred too!

Boyfriend is eating my sweet, no wonder there’s something inside his mouth. ==

ShiHao the towel ah, forever on his head one. ==

Stayed overnight at boyfriend’s place aftermath. All of them bused home with me and waited for an hr below my block to get ready. Hehe. x: WeiHua went off first, because he’s attending Serene’s birthday BBQ or something? Yeap.

Trained back to Pioneer. ShiHao drove us out for supper! Hehehe. TaoHuey & Yutiao! Cancelled the prata plan because I got pissed off with boyfriend for laughing at me together with ShiHao they all about me afraid of cockroaches. What’s so funny bout it, seriously?! It’s normal for a girl to be afraid of them! The worst is, he never apologize to me about it. That’s why I got pissed with him. 

He finally apologized like 15mins after we reached his house. ==

KNS sial!!! Then I okay alr. LOL. What I want, is just a sorry from him. LOL. Slept till I dunno what time the next day. Chloe came in & out of the room and disturb us. JOKE. Helped to bathe Chloes since she PEE-ED in her underwear. == Then my turn to bathe and everything, brought Chloe out to Mac for lunch after that. She so cute la. HAHAH. 

Boyfriend, “JiuJiu bring you to Mac want?”
Chloe, “Don’t want”
Boyfriend, ” JieJie bring you to mac?”
Chloe, “Okay.”
Boyfriend, “JiuJiu leh?”
Chloe, “Don’t want!”
Me, “Chloe, JieJie bring you go Mac, JiuJiu also need to go leh. Okay?”
Chloe look at boyfriend, look at me, look at boyfriend, back at me then say, “Okay lor.”

Wah Joke, I tell you. Chloe sibei cute. Brought her back, went to boyfriend’s room, and we began watching the horror shows he downloaded for me. Hehehe. But not scary! ): Cheat my feelings~!

Out at 8+pm & met up with ShiHui, Shanice, Desmond & ShiHao at JP for a movie~

The Adjustment Bureau! Not bad! I was disturbing boyfriend throughout the movie. x:

Back to boyfriend’s house then & ShiHao drove me home. That asshole! Scare me with cockroaches for these 2 days!!! And I literally scream at the top of my voice with eyes close for 5-10secs when he suddenly turn around and said, “CAREFUL, GOT COCKROACH!” while walking. FML. And it was like, 12+am alr. ==

Boyfriend calmed me down and I stared at SH. Then I chased after him and punched him in the arm after jumping on him. JOKE.

Desmond tell me, next time if go Jurong, bring mouse. So, I’m gonna borrow a fake toy mouse from sis to scare SH alr! WALAU LOR! ))):

Home aftermath~~~

I’ll update the rest another time okay! DAMN TIRED. SORRY!!!!! ):